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Welcome back, class. If you didn't already try the other suggestions for getting a death wish fulfilled, here's a sure way to do so. First, you'll need what is affectionately (disdainfully!) called a "high school drop-out". Got one? Okay, good. Now, let's continue:
Approach your HSDO in a friendly manner. Talk about movies, the weather, whatever. Anything but school. Now, you've got them talkin' good, right? Good. Now you can drop the bombshell. Ask about school. They'll react one of four ways:
- Fidget a little and finally reveal that they don't go to school.
- Shrug and admit they don't go.
- Burst into tears and berate you for being such a horrible person for asking.
- Punch you in the face and walk off.
If they do the last one, you'd best not talk to them ever again. The third one isn't good either, seeing how you won't get any more coherent sentences out of them for a while. If you get the first two, you're in luck! That's exactly what you're looking for! If they don't give a reason, press them for one until they do. Remember, you're trying to get them to kill you, right? Now, whatever the reason may be, you must now do one of the following:
- Laugh. It's always great to laugh at someone. Good way to get yourself strangled right off the bat
- Go into a long speech about the importance of education. Heck, everyone's got the same priorities as you, right?
If you choose to do the last one, be sure to continually mention how lucky the individual is that they have the "right" of getting an education. Be sure to pound it into their heads that all good American teenagers go to college and get advanced educations and these are the ones that go on to lead others into vast discoveries that involve a lot of complex math that you wouldn't learn anywhere else. Don't forget the whole "your parents want that for you" routine as well. It's not like, you know, the HSDO is feeling any remorse already for not going. It's not possible that maybe they don't want to lead America or anyone else. Maybe they want to just rough it out? Nah, that's not possible either. Keep on going until they jam you into a trach compactor and vóila! you've just completed a life goal!
Join us next week (or month, or year) for a lesson in how to tick off a board admin!
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